1) He couldn't help it, that little green button was just so enticing, he had to press it. Little did he know that after that moment, his life would be compleately different.
2) A hard wooden desk, a bright, annoying white board, the humming of an overhead projector, John found himself in his last hour math class...but he had already lived through this moment. He glanced down at what he had thought to be a toy remote, and hit the little green button again.
3) So unsuspecting, the colors drew John's eyes to that litttle remote curiously sitting between two dumpsters. He had to touch it, had to press that green button, he had to give it an owner, a home.
4) John looked down, his shoe was gone, and he was sitting in his math desk, but he had just been waiting for the bus. He looked down at what he thought to be a little kid's toy. JOhn hit the green button again.
5) Normal, that's how you would describe John, he never really wanted to stand out. Insecurity and the strive for perfection dictated his life, as they do for most high school students. The day John found that little green remote, he took control, or so he thought...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I like #4 the best because it makes me curious what the _ this green button is and what happened to his shoe.
I like number 3 the best because it flows the best and does not give too much away. By keeping the opening to John simply finding the remote instead of already using it, it makes me wonder what it does and how John will use it. 3 is definately the best. By far the most enticing.
Your first line is my favorite. It sets the reader up with one big question that will be answered in the story. I like that.
I like number one. It intrigues me the most and sets the tone for the rest of the story
I really like where your story is going, or where it might be going. I enjoyed both your first and your last. Mainly your last one because it gives a description of how John is kind of alone or feels left out, and now this remote is kind of giving him this unique twist on his life. This sounds like it will be a great short story!
i like number 3 better because it flows with the story and u don't give alot away but intrige us with the suspense
Post a Comment